The Key Question to Cultivating Resilience, and Making Life Fun Again!
What, where, and who, are your safe havens?
Such a good question, right?!
Because it’s such an important piece of how to get through the darkest, toughest, and most challenging times in your life! And not just get through them, but actually grow through them.
Grow through them in a way that you emerge on the other side stronger, better, wiser, more alive, more on fire, and with even more hope and belief than ever before!
In a way that you understand and experience the beauty of going through hell, which is coming out of it with the inner strength (resilience), conviction, and absolute certainty that you can go through absolutely anything and still be ok. More than ok. Better than before. You can go through hell and grow through it!
Because as Arianna Huffington says,
“Resilience is not a fixed trait we’re born with – it’s a skill we can practice and master.”
And you start practicing and mastering that skill with your safe havens when you need them!
So – what, where, and who, are your safe havens? With certain people, and in certain relationships. In certain environments and situations. In certain activities, practices, habits. actions, and routines.
Where can you go, with whom can you be, and what can you do that makes you feel calm, safe, supported, understood, and LOVED! Always and no matter what! Find them. Create those safe havens for yourself. Make sure you have them! Know who, where, and what they are. Figure that out, and then go get them, do them, and be with them when you need them!!!
That is courage, not weakness. That is honesty, not shame. That is empowering, not diminishing. Take what you need when you need it from those safe havens – whether it be hope, faith, courage, passion, understanding, guidance, love, support, rest, recovery, or peace.
Who, what, and where are your safe havens? Whether it’s a person or two, a specific place, activity, or space. Or even, when all else fails, maybe it’s a time in your head – a memory that fills you up and reminds you of all the goodness there is, in you and in the world.
For me, I’ve learned that it’s those certain people in my life that remind me when I need it most of all my goodness and light and love and gifts. I once heard someone say, “we can’t become our best self by ourselves.” And wow did that hit me! It’s so true; and we’re not meant to. We’re social beings who need positive connection and love and understanding and intimacy from each other.
And that doesn’t negate becoming that safe haven for yourself – which will inevitably happen! That’s when and how you’ll know that you’ve cultivated and mastered that emotional resilience; you’ve become that warrior who can overcome anything, no matter what. It’s YOU. But we need that help and support and connection and love from others along the way to get there.
For me, I’ve learned that it’s my consistent physical routine and practice. It was, and still is, one of my safe havens. Even in my darkest of dark days, when I had no energy or any inkling of a desire to, I maintained that routine. I always did it, no matter what. And I always felt better afterward, even if some days it was just a tiny bit better.
I’ve learned that yoga heals me- body, mind, and soul. I do it religiously once a week, no matter what! It’s one of my most sacred safe havens. I’ve breathed and cried through many a down dog. It’s my release, it’s my meditation, and it’s my zen.
I’ve learned that allowing myself to slow down, and take a step back from the productivity and achievement rat race can sometimes be the best safe haven for me when I need it most. Allowing myself to just be, to listen to me, reflect, and figure things out when I need to. Giving myself that safe haven of time and space when I need it taught me how to be more patient, forgiving, gracious, and loving to, of, and for myself.
It was getting back into playing the piano, just for fun. It was painting with my girls, just for fun. It was watching my favorite romantic movies over again, just for fun. It was interacting and socializing with other people when and how I could (covid limitations and all), just for fun.
Cultivating our safe havens is a key piece to attaining and continuing to reach for everything that we want for ourselves and for our life! It’s such a fundamental and key piece of the bigger puzzle of how to realize your dreams and become your best self. Because it’s a deeper piece of yet another foundational piece of that overall puzzle – how to overcome.
We all go through hardships, challenges, hard times, pain, loss, suffering, trauma, breakdowns, and crises at some points in our life, to some degree or another. That’s simply a basic hard truth of reality, of being human, and of life.
The real and only difference maker is how, and if, we overcome those times. How do we grow through the hell, not just go through it? How do we understand, learn, heal, recover, and rebuild? How do we reclaim our sense of self, our power, and our freedom? How do we breakthrough through the breakdown? How do we emerge on the other side stronger, better, wiser, more alive, more on fire, and with even more hope and belief than ever before?!
Because that’s when life becomes fun again! That’s what it means to build and cultivate emotional resilience. That’s how we become our best selves, no matter what! That’s how we maintain equanimity, no matter what! That’s how we stay filled with peace, love, gratitude, and joy in our hearts no matter what storm, war, or sh*t show is brewing outside! That’s how we realize our dreams, no matter what obstacles we face along the way.
It’s like meeting yourself as your new best friend for the first time- that friend that will always be there for you, no matter what. The one that will never abandon you, betray you, and will always, always have your back!!!
That’s when you meet yourself as your own safe haven! And there’s nothing more glorious!
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As always. I hope this brought a little insight, love, understanding, inspiration, or hope to your day.
Now, more than ever:
Do more of what you LOVE!
Be more of who you LOVE!
Seize Your Passion!
Stay safe, healthy, strong, and positive!