As I reflect on not just this last year or decade, but on my entire life, I realize how much of the time I was letting other people and things, write my story. Literally. If you were reading the story of my life, you probably see where I gave the pen away freely without question, or awareness I was even doing it. Seriously. And I am NOW just figuring this out!
What do I mean?
Well, for many years addictions wrote my story. My decisions revolved around meeting the needs of my addictions. They literally owned me. Smoking, alcohol, eating, texting, sleeping, shopping, working, and more. While I have a few lingering issues, I am glad to say I’ve kicked most of them (celebrated 15 years of sobriety this year, and am active in the practice of recovery). I took back the pen when I addressed and beat those addictions.
And then I let others write my story when I did things that felt unaligned with what I should be doing, yet I didn’t want to say ‘no’. Have you ever done that? Said yes, and then go ‘why did I do that’? Could have been a simple decision, or a big one, yet I went against my own intuition. So I resented it days, or even years later (thank goodness for recovery, and working on those resentments and claiming responsibility). This could be relating to work, friendships, partnerships, or significant others. Yet I let those people write my story by not staying true to myself. I learned how to say no and have healthy partnerships, so I could take back my pen from people, especially those that are toxic as it became a story mainly about them.
And of course my mind has written my story. My obsessions, my inability to slow it down, my depression, my anxiety, my PTSD, my abuser aftermath. Maybe I skipped out on things, not because I really wanted to, but because it felt safer to. It wasn’t the story I wanted to write, but it was the story I did write because I let my mind run me wild. That monkey mind had a pretty good time with the pen.
I feel a little old to be really realizing this, but I guess better now than never.
The good news is, without realizing it exactly I’ve been doing the work to take back my pen. A TON of work. Lots and lots and lots of good stuff. Meditation, therapy, nature, sensory engagement, hopeful mindset work, learning, reflecting, writing, music, exercise, nutrition, and figuring out how to have healthy relationships. I did what I needed to do to take back my power, heal my wounds, hear what my own inner voice was saying, and get present with myself. Still not perfect, but so much progress. And realizing I was doing it, so that I could authentically write my own story.
So this is the year where I am going to write my story. Each and every day. And I don’t mean this as an ‘It’s all about me’ year, as I’m not happy if it is ‘all about me’. Giving back, is AWESOME, as long as my cup is full and it comes from the heart. Not guilt. Not a need to fit in. Not a need to be seen. But pure, authentic desire from the beautiful heart.
So I see it as more of an ‘all through me’ year. Where I let love write my story. Divine wisdom. Inspired guidance. I’m giving my pen to THAT place deep inside that knows how to live my best life. One according to my heart’s desire, with clarity of mind and purpose of soul. So that I live my BEST life. What I am here to do and be.
So I challenge you to think about it. Look back on your life, and think about where you are writing the story, and where you are letting others write it for you. Is there anywhere you can do better? That you need to do work? Take back your power where you have given it away? What plan can you make to get there, what help do you need, what people can support you and keep you accountable? It is not easy, yet it is so worth it.
This year, I am writing my book about Hope. About how it saved my life, and can save others. I’m putting other things aside, to do it, as I feel called to do. I don’t care if I make money, it is something inspired deep within. And then I will focus on my Happiness. On the things that make me happy, including teaching others how to practice some of the skills I learned to be happy. I’m grateful to have great guides and teachers. And it is going to be a GREAT year, written by yours truly. Gratefully.
What about you? What are you going to write? I’d love to know. And I’d love to hear about it as you go along your way. If you have challenges. Inspirations. Lessons for us. Please. Do. Share.
Thank you. For being in my life. On this earth. And caring. Wishing you all a blessed 2020, and beyond. I cheers to all of us, finally and completely, taking back our power to create OUR collective story.
In Love,
Kathryn
ps. Yes, that is me squirting some Happiness Mood-sprays on you. Consider it a little wish from me to you. But please do remember this, while others can support you on your journey, nobody can Choose Happiness, but you!