One of the greatest fears people have is not having control.
– Dr. Joseph Drolshagen
By the time a stressful email lands in your inbox, like your travel may be affected by snow, your mind may already be rehearsing worst-case scenarios.
That reaction, according to Dr. Joseph Drolshagen, isn’t a personal failure. It’s a familiar neurological pattern: the brain scanning for threat, trying to regain control, and defaulting to what it has practiced before.
In a recent conversation, Dr. Drolshagen—who works at the intersection of behavior, perception, and habit formation—explored why “positive thinking” often falls short, why rigid goal-setting can backfire for some people, and how subtle attention shifts can interrupt anxious spirals without denying reality.
Rather than promising transformation, the discussion focused on understanding how the mind already works—and what happens when we stop fighting it.
Conscious vs. subconscious: the part you steer and the part that steers you
Dr. Drolshagen describes the mind as operating on two interacting levels.
The conscious mind is the part we can influence directly: where we place attention, the language we use, the media we consume, and the people we surround ourselves with.
The subconscious, by contrast, operates beneath awareness. It holds learned associations, emotional responses, habits, and identity labels—many formed early and reinforced over time.
When certain patterns repeat—scarcity, threat, self-doubt—the subconscious begins to treat them as default reality. Over time, this can create a disconnect: consciously wanting change while unconsciously reinforcing the same outcomes.
Why uncertainty feels so threatening
A simple example from the conversation made this dynamic tangible.
When faced with potential travel delays due to weather, the mind quickly jumped from uncertainty to imagined catastrophe. Dr. Drolshagen noted that this reaction often stems from a deeper discomfort: not knowing what will happen.
The brain’s attempt to predict outcomes is meant to create safety. But when prediction turns into rumination, uncertainty expands into fear.
This is especially true when stepping outside familiar routines. Even positive change can trigger resistance if it moves beyond what the mind has learned to expect.
Interrupting the spiral without suppressing it
Rather than trying to “override” anxious thoughts, Dr. Drolshagen suggested a gentler interruption:
First, acknowledge the thought without arguing with it.
Then, deliberately redirect attention toward the outcome you would prefer.
The key distinction is emotional investment. When fear becomes emotionally charged, it tends to grow. When attention is redirected—without denial—toward steadier expectations, the nervous system often follows.
This approach isn’t about pretending everything is fine. It’s about choosing where attention settles once the initial alert has passed.
Why affirmations and resolutions often fail
The conversation also examined why common self-improvement tools—affirmations, resolutions, rigid goals—don’t work for everyone.
Dr. Drolshagen pointed to identity as a frequent obstacle. When behaviors are tightly linked to labels (“I’m a smoker,” “I’m not good at this,” “I’m a morning person”), change can feel like a threat to the self rather than an adjustment of habit.
Separating identity from behavior creates flexibility. A behavior can change without redefining who someone is.
The host offered a small but telling example: challenging the internal rule of being a “morning person” when it became a source of pressure rather than support. The shift wasn’t dramatic—but it reduced unnecessary self-criticism.
Vision versus goals: why imagery matters
Instead of focusing on traditional goal-setting, Dr. Drolshagen emphasized clarity of vision—imagining experiences in detail rather than fixating on metrics.
From a psychological perspective, this aligns with how the brain processes meaning. Vivid imagery and emotional realism tend to influence perception and behavior more consistently than abstract targets.
When people can picture how a desired future feels—not just what it looks like—they’re more likely to notice opportunities and take congruent action. The vision doesn’t replace effort; it helps organize it.
What happens when attention shifts collectively
One of the most grounded moments in the discussion came from a workplace example.
In a struggling organization, meetings were dominated by problems. Dr. Drolshagen repeatedly asked a simple question: What’s going well? Initially dismissed, the question eventually led to the sharing of small operational improvements—one of which significantly reduced waste.
Once attention shifted, learning spread. Solutions crossed departments. Momentum followed.
The takeaway wasn’t about optimism. It was about where attention is trained to go—and what becomes possible when it widens beyond threat detection.
Why knowing what to do isn’t enough
Many people understand what would help them feel better—yet struggle to act. Dr. Drolshagen attributes this gap less to motivation and more to conditioning.
When life is organized around fixing what’s broken, satisfaction is perpetually delayed. The nervous system stays oriented toward problem-scanning, even when circumstances improve.
Change becomes more sustainable when people clarify what they want to experience—and identify the internal patterns that quietly pull them away from it.
When positive change feels unsafe
A subtle but important insight from the conversation: resistance often increases when change is beneficial.
If struggle has been normalized, ease can feel unfamiliar. If success has historically led to conflict or loss, progress may trigger hesitation.
In this light, self-sabotage looks less like a flaw and more like an outdated protective response—one that can be updated, but not forced.
Two grounded starting points
For those feeling stuck, Dr. Drolshagen offered two low-pressure entry points:
Notice what you’re noticing.
Thought patterns, conversations, environments, and media exposure all shape future responses. Observation alone can loosen automatic loops.
Write what you want to experience—without solving the “how.”
Focusing on the quality of life you want, rather than the logistics, can clarify direction before strategy enters the picture.
For readers who experience persistent anxiety or intrusive thoughts, working with a licensed mental health professional can provide additional support.
A quieter conclusion
The central message of the conversation wasn’t about control or certainty. It was about learning to guide attention without fighting the mind’s protective instincts.
Sometimes the shift begins with a simple acknowledgment—Thank you for that thought—followed by a deliberate return to what matters most in the present moment.
Not perfect control… Just a steadier default.
