Since the 1970’s I have watched family and friends leave the country I was born in. Each emigration was emotionally charged and heart wrenching. And little by little, the emptiness grew.
I never understood why anyone would choose to emigrate as it was the furthest thing from my mind.
I have always had a deep loyalty and love for this land.
There have been opportunities to leave but somehow no other place called my soul. No other place I wanted to call my home.

Over the last 20 years, circumstances and conditions have gotten steadily worse. It is like watching a Grand Cruise liner just go down and sink. Sink at a slow, yet steady pace of total grief and devastation.
Watching this slow death has been incredibly painful and sad.
The first major blow was black empowerment which was implemented in 1998, where the vast majority were racially black, and the small minority were white. That has been 21 years of giving the majority all the opportunities and suppressing and blocking the white population. This has made getting employment as a white person close to impossible and getting work contracts or business, even tougher. With each step of further affirmative action which accelerates yearly, there has been an increase in greed, corruption and fraud.

Ethics, standards and values have gone down overall, with people doing whatever it takes to stay alive financially against this never-ending wall of affirmative action. With the fat cats, openly and with a large grin, just scooping up all the money they can. Mostly without having to work for it.
I refuse to lower my ethics, standards or values and will definitely not partake in bribes of any kind. That further limits any business prospects. These bribes are at a high cost, and crippling this country. Each bribe steals services from those that need it most, whether at hospitals, education or basic services. But somehow this is not seen, as the greed machine swallows up more and more with its right to entitlement.
This year being 2019, things have escalated out of control. Farmers who are our food providers, have been massacred at an alarming rate. In just 5 months there have been 184 farm attacks!

Land reform, (possession) without compensation, has added to the amount of farm attacks and murders, with politicians promising their voters land and supporting violence in their quest.
The state of healthcare, roads, infrastructure, education etc is at the point of collapse. Our national broadcaster and airline are buckling. Crime is out of control.
What is even more concerning, is how the locals just dig their head under the sand, while complaining but not doing anything about this crisis. More alarming, is the apathy of overseas countries who turn a blind eye and even suggest that whites deserve what is happening to them. How can anyone honestly believe that anyone deserves to suffer or even die in such a manner?

Can you not see the elephants in the room?

What if this was your life? Each day you face a Russian roulette. You walk the gauntlet of either being attacked, raped or murdered in your home or hijacked while on-route to or from work.
Would you like to see your parents, siblings, family or friends being murdered, raped or savagely attacked in a torturous and gruelling manner? Could you live with your life under constant threat? And with very little opportunity to earn money?
Just today while I was seeing a client, there was a hijack within 5 metres of where I sat in my car. Guns blazing and shots being fired. This is no way to live. But this is what we live with. Always looking over our shoulder and alert to any attack or invasion.

Does it not ring a gigantic alarm bell abroad as to the influx of foreigners ascending upon them, and as to why people are fleeing at such a rampant rate? This is no longer race based. South Africans of all race groups are leaving.
The brain and skill drain has cost this country hugely, but nobody wants to face the facts. Now infrastructure is down the tubes and people ask, open mouthed, how and why.

And we sit and watch, we try to speak up, but there is no longer freedom of speech, just suppression. There are no human rights for the minority here.
There was a time when this land, the anthem, our sport, made us as a nation pride. There was a time when we joined hands, there was hope and a dream of a future for all.
That ‘rainbow nation’ dream is no longer.
For many years one lived with the hope of change, a new government, but perhaps that was just some crazy illusion? Perhaps that is what all those emigrants saw back then, and we just wanted to believe in transformation and our beautiful homeland. We just couldn’t face the fact that this country of ours, was doomed.

It feels like a very difficult and complicated breakup. The place you once loved, you no longer feel at home in. You hold no more loyalty or pride for your own country. You have seen the dark, sinister side, and there is no hope of reconciliation. You have tried to make it work, given your all but ended up brokenhearted. A place so breathtakingly beautiful, that once held so many memories has become a place of darkness, dread and sorrow.
You see, black empowerment hasn’t empowered but disempowered. This country is living under a cloud of victims, using apartheid as their right to entitlement and self-enrichment.
Blaming, shaming, hate speech and suppression/dictatorship is the voice of a victim.
What will they do after they have either killed or forced white people out this country?
Hate only perpetuates a negative cycle and breeds more hate. It is a downward spiral. There is no hope with this destructive mindset.
From a life of abuse that I healed and transformed from, I will not ever be a victim again. I have a powerful voice and with it, the well-earned strength and courage it took to rise from my then devastating circumstances. That has gifted me to be able to face this and ascend above it.

What I can say, is that if you can thrive in this country then you are formidable and an asset. Any country would be most fortunate to have you!
What I have learnt, is that bad only exists when good people stand around and do nothing. They are silent onlookers, and become every part of the problem.

In life it is important to acknowledge hardship and not go into denial, to face it head on. The choice you have is either face everything and rise, OR, forget everything and run. What will you do?
As in any abusive relationship you have choice. Will you stick around hoping your abuser will change or that the abuse will stop? Are you too fearful to leave and rather stay trapped in an abusive cycle? Or do you choose yourself, health and well being, and courageously walk away without fear,in your strength and power.

I held on way longer than most, always being optimistic and seeing the silver lining in this troubled cloud, but a month ago I realised that my limit was reached. This was the day of the election. I reluctantly went to cast a vote.
As I walked away, I promised myself two things: this was my last vote in this country, and that I would find a new home.
My time was up. I was done.
I had fallen out of love for this country.

Cry this beloved country!! Cry!!