Are you excited about your child’s summer break, or do you have a slight feeling of dread thinking about it?

Many parents these days incorrectly believe they need to fill their child’s every waking moment with camps, classes, and structured activities. I’m here to tell you: it’s okay to relax and allow unstructured time for your children this summer. In fact, in my experience as an educator, researcher, and parenting expert, you can do your children a world of good by giving them more of a carefree summer – one in which there are more relaxed schedules – instead of an over-

programmed one.

Why Parents Over-Schedule Their Kids

Before looking at some ways to have a successful, unstructured summer, it helps to investigate why you may be attempting to over-schedule your child. Many parents project onto their children their own wants and needs from their family of origin. Other parents have to work and need a safe place for their children while they are away. And then, there is the competition of social pressure on parents who want the best for their children.

As a result, parents have taken this extra-curricular approach to an over-curricular extreme. Ironically, all of this over-programming stresses your children. Children display the same stress-related health problems that their over-stressed parents do, except that they don’t have those adult coping skills. Also, an over-stressed child is more emotional, and therefore biologically involved in a fight-or-flight system. Thus cortisol is over-produced, which then floods your child’s brain and alters its’ capacity to remember, learn, and think critically. And so, your child may be looking down a tunnel in which depression becomes a real option.

Summer time is a great anecdote to this kind of stress. It is a time for bonding, freedom, and play. You may not know it, but play actually enhances learning. Learning is not simply coordinated instruction. Humans, like all other primates, are hard-wired to learn and to learn constantly, from the moment of birth to the moment of death. Interestingly enough, high levels of learning are reached through play, because it is in this relaxed and creative state that many “ah ha” moments and leaps in learning occur.

You can support your child’s development by securely bonding with him and creating a safe, relaxed, and rich environment, in which he can explore, imagine, and fantasize. For example, when your child plays with dolls or stuffed animals, he is imitating adult behavior, problem solving, learning how to negotiate, and communicate. In a sense, a safe and rich environment in which carefree play can occur, offers your child the opportunity to test himself against his environment and to follow the threads of his thoughts and ideas to his conclusions.

Moreover, because it is unstructured and free form, play is a wonderful de-stressor. Actually, play is the way that humans and other primates develop the life lessons needed for survival.

This being said, there is a place for moderation in all things, including extra-curricular activities. Balance is the key to benefit. During the summer, your child should have a chance for a time out, so he can take time in.

Some ideas for some summer fun:

  1. Use my empathic process to discuss as a family the summer options that will fit your work schedules and child’s needs. If you can’t take any vacation time, perhaps you can let your child have some time with grandma and grandpa, even a babysitter, so that he doesn’t have to go to a structured environment.
  2. Apprise yourself of the free and fun activities that are available in your town or city. For example, the beach, tennis courts, picnic spots, country fairs, parks, free outdoor movies, camping, museums, open air theaters, arts & crafts, scrap books, fishing, hiking, or biking. The only criteria is to have fun in a safe environment.
  3. Don’t over-program your schedule. Always leave room for flexibility and spontaneity. Sometimes it’s fun just to stay home. Sitting on the porch and reading, journaling, sculpting, painting, playing board games, dancing, singing, and writing music, can only happen during down time. Ron Howard and Steven Spielberg used to spend their summers making movies with video cameras, and look where it got them.

Creative play cannot be overstated. The most important thing to remember about a carefree summer is to relax and enjoy it. The essential thing that your child really wants is bonding time with you – his parents. So, cooking, baking, taking turns reading, and just being together can offer the most warm experiences… and these translate not just to a fun summer, but a lifelong memory of a fun summer with Mom and Dad.


  • Dr. Gail Gross

    Author and Parenting, Relationships, and Human Behavior Expert

    Dr. Gail Gross, Ph.D., Ed.D., M.Ed., a member of the American Psychological Association (APA) and member of APA Division 39, is a nationally recognized family, child development, and human behavior expert, author, and educator. Her positive and integrative approach to difficult issues helps families navigate today’s complex problems. Dr. Gross is frequently called upon by national and regional media to offer her insight on topics involving family relationships, education, behavior, and development issues. A dependable authority, Dr. Gross has contributed to broadcast, print and online media including CNN, the Today Show, CNBC's The Doctors, Hollywood Reporter, FOX radio, FOX’s The O’Reilly Factor, MSNBC, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, Times of India, People magazine, Parents magazine, Scholastic Parent and Child Magazine, USA Today, Univision, ABC, CBS, and KHOU's Great Day Houston Show. She is a veteran radio talk show host as well as the host of the nationally syndicated PBS program, “Let’s Talk.” Also, Dr. Gross has written a semi-weekly blog for The Huffington Post and has blogged at since 2013. Recently, Houston Women's Magazine named her One of Houston's Most Influential Women of 2016. Dr. Gross is a longtime leader in finding solutions to the nation’s toughest education challenges. She co-founded the first-of-its kind Cuney Home School with her husband Jenard, in partnership with Texas Southern University. The school serves as a national model for improving the academic performance of students from housing projects by engaging the parents. Dr. Gross also has a public school elementary and secondary campus in Texas that has been named for her. Additionally, she recently completed leading a landmark, year-long study in the Houston Independent School District to examine how stress-reduction affects academics, attendance, and bullying in elementary school students, and a second study on stress and its effects on learning. Such work has earned her accolades from distinguished leaders such as the Dalai Lama, who presented her with the first Spirit of Freedom award in 1998. More recently, she was honored in 2013 with the Jung Institute award. She also received the Good Heart Humanitarian Award from Jewish Women International, Perth Amboy High School Hall of Fame Award, the Great Texan of the Year Award, the Houston Best Dressed Hall of Fame Award, Trailblazer Award, Get Real New York City Convention's 2014 Blogging Award, and Woman of Influence Award. Dr. Gross’ book, The Only Way Out Is Through, is available on Amazon now and offers strategies for life’s transitions including coping with loss, drawing from dealing with the death of her own daughter. Her next book, How to Build Your Baby’s Brain, is also available on Amazon now and teaches parents how to enhance their child’s learning potential by understanding and recognizing their various development stages. And her first research book was published by Random House in 1987 on health and skin care titled Beautiful Skin. Dr. Gross has created 8 audio tapes on relaxation and stress reduction that can be purchased on Most recently, Dr. Gross’s book, The Only Way Out is Through, was named a Next Generation Indie Book Awards Silver Medal finalist in 2020 and Winner of the 2021 Independent Press Awards in the categories of Death & Dying as well as Grief. Her latest book, How to Build Your Baby’s Brain, was the National Parenting Product Awards winner in 2019, the Nautilus Book Awards winner in 2019, ranked the No. 1 Best New Parenting Book in 2019 and listed among the Top 10 Parenting Books to Read in 2020 by BookAuthority, as well as the Next Generation Indie Book Awards Gold Medal winner in 2020 and Winner of the 2021 Independent Press Awards in the category of How-To. Dr. Gross received a BS in Education and an Ed.D. (Doctorate of Education) with a specialty in Curriculum and Instruction from the University of Houston. She earned her Master’s degree in Secondary Education with a focus on Psychology from the University of St. Thomas in Houston. Dr. Gross received her second PhD in Psychology, with a concentration in Jungian studies. Dr. Gross was the recipient of Kappa Delta Pi An International Honor Society in Education. Dr. Gross was elected member of the International English Honor Society Sigma Tau Delta.