Let’s face it – family coaching is basically an unknown entity for most people and its scary to be in a group where there has been tension and trust issues. Not every clinician is equipped to engage with families and some prefer not to.

Today I want to discuss the 4 biggest myths about Family Work so that when you choose to work with us or another trained professionals you will be equipped to do so.

Myth 1: Family Coaching will changed your loved one – albeit Wife, Husband, Partner, Son, Daughter, etc

My role is to help all family members equally. The Family is our target. This means we will not be taking sides triangulating with one member or another, rather we will illuminate family dynamics. How the family works and shed light on what different roles family members take on. Each family member is held accountable for the part they play in the family dynamics . And each person is invited to change. That means that all family members must be prepared to bring their true selves and be open to discovering new ways to relate.

Myth 2: Family Coaching Just Blames the Parents – The Adults

My philosophy is that Parents did the best they could do with the resources they have had in addressing the issues at hand . There is no Blame or shame . The assumption is now everyone can try out different ways of interacting with one another that promote health and wellness. Our task is to increase knowledge and awareness so all can improve moving forward. Parents are an integral apart of
the solution.

Myth 3: Only Active Listening Is Taught

Learning how to listen, how to respond and not react is only one part of solution focused family coaching. This helps reduce family conflict as you learn to respond and not react. This is not however the only intervention learned. Perhaps the most important one is how to set healthy compassionate boundaries that give you space for individuation and launching while maintaining the integrity of the family

Myth 4: The Whole Family Must Be Present for Solution Focused Family Coaching

Not all family members must be present at all times for this process to be successful. In fact in the beginning we interview everyone individually to get to know them and learn about their perspective on family. Depending on the family it may be more appropriate to work in smaller groups within the family. It may be inappropriate to bring siblings into the group with problems that are best served and solved by others. We like to interview folks separately, work with parents first before bringing siblings into the mix or working with siblings separately.

Sometimes there is “an unstable connection between two family members and a third persons presence serves to mitigate or spread to the tension. This prevents the two people in conflict to actually work out their issues. This is what is called homeostasis triangulation . If this exists within the family then we may work in dryads for a while to work on that conflict.

Ultimately the family will be brought together to work to achieve a new way of relating and developing change agreements which enhance family functioning by:

  • My team and I pride ourselves at always starting where are clients are and working with families so that they can
  • Communicate Effectively
  • Establish Compassionate Boundaries
  • Learn To Trust One Another
  • Learn to Accept individual Responsibility For their Actions and Inaction
  • Accept Individual Responsibility for Their Actions
  • Hold each other accountable in Loving Ways
  • Be Open to Change


  • Louise Stanger Ed.D, LCSW, CDWF, CIP

    Writer, Speaker, Clinician, Interventionist

    Dr. Louise Stanger founded All About Interventions because she is passionate about helping families whose loved ones experience substance abuse, mental health, process addictions and chronic pain. She is committed to showing up for her clients and facilitating lasting change so families are free from sleepless, worrisome nights. Additionally, she speaks about these topics all around the country, trains staff at many treatment centers, and develops original family programs. In 2018, Louise became the recipient of the Peggy Albrecht Friendly House Excellence in Service Award. She most recently received the Interventionist of the Year Award from DB Resources in London and McLean Hospital - an affiliate of Harvard University, in 2019. To learn more, watch this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hDf5262P7I8 and visit her website at allaboutinterventions.com.